Half Dad, Half Misfit

 

 A fun fact about living with narcissists is that there is nothing fun about living with a narcissist.

 You don't have to turn up to every argument you're invited to.

Narcissists need attention of any kind, and learn that a surefire way to get attention is to create drama and conflict - arguments about pointless stuff. For example, a 33-word message about a bike day at school will go like this. There is a bike day at school next Thursday. [Son] doesn't want to take the girls bike you make him ride at your house. He can collect his bike from my house instead. That was a classic three part "bait sandwich" - did you see it? Opener: "There is a bike day at school next Thursday." Bait: "[Son] doesn't want to take the girls bike you make him ride at your house." Closer/Glory-seeking: "He can collect his bike from my house instead." The opener sets the stage, lulling you into a false sense of security. But the second sentence is the bait.  Instantly, after 15 years of abuse, you recoil to the defensive, with factual statements like: "I don't make him ride it!" "It's an old bike he has a

Another good video about co-parenting with a narcissist. The slide of the "challenges of co-parenting with a narcissist" is spot on.

The whole DoctorRamani YouTube channel is gold, but this particular video was timely, having just received a message that fit the "three part haiku" template:

Case study of a narcissist; a reporter meets Joe on a dating app and then experiences a whirlwhind of exhileration and disappointment. When Stephanie finally realises what is going on, she uses her journalist skills to investigate and using Joe as the case study investigates the world of narcissists. The most striking part for me was the pattern of relationships with a narcissist and the phases it moves through - and yet, there isn't a school for narcissists, they just naturally all find the same pattern. The sad thing is that these people who have the skills to manipulate people end up having such boring underlying lives - they never seem to be able to convert that influence into any kind of traction. 5/5 

  An interesting book about how we think we know if we can trust others, including stories about spies, con artists, terrorists and police. I'm still confused what I was supposed to learn from the section about Brock Turner and alcohol affecting memory and decision making. After listening to this, all I know is that I don't know who to trust any more. 4/5

 Stuck this on last night as a "background noise" movie while I did some tidying in the kitchen and washing up. (The ideal "background noise" movie is one you've seen before that doesn't require close attention to follow the plot and the twists) It was even better than I remembered!

And if you think that that grandparents or mutually respected friends may be able to help, well, you're fucked there, too: Targeted parents sense this trend and either enlist help from their village or merely support the effort individuals make to advise and correct the escalating behaviors and attitudes of alienated children. Alienated children are hypersensitive and hyper-vigilant to the tribal communities developing in a climate where the alienation virus spreads. They view the supportive people in the targeted parent’s village as a threat seeking to “social distance,” while seeing supportive others in the alienating parent’s village as safe with whom to “quarantine.” The targeted parent’s village grows wary and frustrated with the experience of social-distancing and may begin to angrily confront the children. The children—similarly to how they feel and respond to the rejected parent’s confrontations—end up feeling attacked and shamed by these social encounters. They begin to s

From this article: Parental alienation can be difficult to recognize for anyone not experiencing it first-hand. It’s like a riptide: hidden and forceful. Rejected parents can find themselves struggling against a powerful force as it pulls them further and further from the relationship they once had with their children. They feel the resistance and fight against it. But the more they fight, the more exhausted they become. It seems as if there’s no one to appreciate how difficult it is to stay buoyant in these deceptively calm waters. They search for someone—anyone—to throw them a lifeline. The experience of being targeted by your co-parent is upsetting. But to be rejected and hated by your own child, feeling and watching them slip away, and fearing that you’ll never see them again, is like witnessing that child die a slow death. While they remain physically alive, they become increasingly emotionally dead to you. The radiant love in their eyes turns dark and vacuous and the joyous soun

  I am so frustrated; it's a horrible game to play. It started before we separated and it just gets worse. The advice is all "don't give up" but it gets so hard; how do you cope when you are physically and emotionally pushed away every fucking time.  It feels like a game where: anything you do gets used against you and You Lose  anything you don't do gets used against you and You Lose,  and if you give up and stop playing, your Child Loses and You Lose And every time you get to spend with your child gets slowly eaten away: oh no, it's not on purpose, but it just 'happens' that your daughter gets a job which happens to be in the supermarket 200m from the mother's house, and 10km from your house, so it's "just easier if I sleep at mums all the time", oh no, it's not on purpose, but it just 'happens' to be that your one night a week you spend with your daughter, your daughter gets enrolled in her fifth sport of the week, ensu

An audiobook about the American air force and it's aerial bombing strategies in World War 2, and competing philosophies of how to use airpower to win the war. After recently listening to the Shakespeare audiobook a few weeks ago, I found it interesting that for this history, they have actual voice recordings of some of the actual people talking about what they did, compared to the Elizabethan period, where they have hardly any records of anyone existing at all. A few annoying noises that distract from the book - music played over the narrator talking.  Interesting book. 4/5

A great quote from Captain Awkward.  

 From website The Atlantic: I needed to read this to offset how I feel about the rise of the Anti-Vax, Anti-Rationality crowd - we need to remember that we "all gave some" and that some have or will give all, and that the altruistic, community-minded amongst us far outweigh the selfish. Once this is all over, I'm going to remember, and continue to judge, those who complained about simple measures, such as wearing a mask, to protect their neighbours. But I also think we need a way to remember and celebrate the sacrifices of those who worked FOR the rest of us, something like ANZAC Day, but for the opposite of trying to kill other people.

Libby is the app used by my local New Zealand library to offer audiobooks, for free. As you can see from my audiobook reviews, I'm using it a lot and really enjoying it - it works well on my long walks, despite poor cellular coverage, and has a wide selection of books that keep me engaged. Not every book I want is on there, but equally, I haven't run out of listening material for months. 5/5, want to see more of this kind of thing, and more people using it.

 A nice, short, yet informative and interesting, biography of William Shakespeare. It is short, because it sticks to what little is known, rather than deviating into speculation, but even then covers some of the speculation too, while dismissing most of it. The added extra bit at the end, a short interview with the author, actually adds to the work rather than detracting from it. The authors voice is also particularly good for this audiobook. I don't normally like biographies, but this one gets a 5/5 from me. I only listened to it, because someone I care about is teaching Shakespeare at the moment.

I can't help myself. I'm trying to read my way to completion of the Wheel of Time series before I watch the TV show, and have conflicted feelings about it.  They say you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover, but fucking look at it, that's what you're getting. The plot continues to revolve around a group of friends who never share information with each other, so they end up working at cross-purposes, yet still somehow achieving the weaving of the wheel towards the Armageddon or T'ara'm';agegdencdgenoddon or whatever bullshit mispelling they use in the books.  Nynaeve continues to be annoying character, whose main character trait is pulling her hair, and who every so often looks like she is going to have an epiphany and stop being such a bitch to everyone, but then always stops short. I'm guessing at some point she'll stop being a bitch when Lan eventually gets it on with her, and then her block with the Lady Force will suddenly go away because