Half Dad, Half Misfit

 

During a difficult period of parenting last year I somehow got linked to this website, which is about "Estranged Parents" who can't understand why their children don't want to spend time with them once they are adults. I can't remember the context that took me there, but I took it as an opportunity to discover some exotic examples of ways NOT to parent. Maybe you'll find it interesting too. There are hours of reading there. https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html 

Circle of Security has some great tools including explanations of how to "be with" kids having difficult feelings.  I've had amazing results from using these techniques when my kids are having big emotions. The concept of "Shark Music" in the second video is a powerful way to understand why sometimes as a parent I react in automatic ways that are harmful. Noticing the shark music helps me to stop and try the "Being With" technique. In the video they asssume that the "shark music" is a response to how your parents parented you, but it could be from other bad relationships you've had. I think "noticing the shark music" is yet another thing that is easier to do if you practice mindfulness.