Half Dad, Half Misfit

Was just watching this video,  https://youtu.be/mHHXxA3FYt4, and at the start she said  "It normally takes two people to have an argument" It reminded me of a (Scottish?) expression I once heard: "They could start an argument in an empty house." And I just remembered how often I used to think that during the relationship. Another phrase I've used a lot over the years to describe a narcissist in my life is: "If they won the lottery jackpot, they'd ring up and complain that the cheque was the wrong colour." Another video I saw recently said that when trying to describe a narcissist to someone in authority (like a child protective services, a judge or the police), you shouldn't use the word "narcissist" as it will actually count against you; because you, a non-psychiatrist, 'diagnosed' someone else, so you are the labelled as the inappropriate one.  But the helpful advice in that video was to use the word "antagonistic...

 You don't have to turn up to every argument you're invited to.

Written about a Mother/Mother-in-Law, but pretty well explains any dysfunctional or dramatic family or organisation. From Reddit: Don't rock the boat. I've been thinking about this phrase a lot lately, about how unfair it is. Because we aren't the ones rocking the boat. It's the crazy lady jumping up and down and running side to side. Not the one sitting in the corner quietly not giving a fuck. At some point in her youth, Mum/MIL gave the boat a little nudge. And look how everyone jumped to steady the boat! So she does it again, and again. Soon her family is in the habit of swaying to counteract the crazy. She moves left, they move right, balance is restored (temporarily). Life goes on. People move on to boats of their own. The boat-rocker can't survive in a boat by herself. She's never had to face the consequences of her rocking. She'll tip over. So she finds an enabler: someone so proud of his boat-steadying skills that he secretly (or not so secretly) liv...

 “OK, now let’s have some fun. Let’s talk about sex. Let’s talk about women. Freud said he didn’t know what women wanted. I know what women want. They want a whole lot of people to talk to. What do they want to talk about? They want to talk about everything. What do men want? They want a lot of pals, and they wish people wouldn’t get so mad at them. Why are so many people getting divorced today? It’s because most of us don’t have extended families anymore. It used to be that when a man and a woman got married, the bride got a lot more people to talk to about everything. The groom got a lot more pals to tell dumb jokes to. A few Americans, but very few, still have extended families. The Navahos. The Kennedys. But most of us, if we get married nowadays, are just one more person for the other person. The groom gets one more pal, but it’s a woman. The woman gets one more person to talk to about everything, but it’s a man. When a couple has an argument, they may think it’s about money o...

Important : Often, when you first set and actually enforce a boundary, the other person’s words and emotional reactions get worse as they try to bluster and bully and manipulate you into compliance, but their  behavior  gets better. It’s often referred to as an “extinction burst” when the boundary-crossing or -disrespecting person senses their control slipping and in panic they throw everything possible at the problem in hopes that you’ll decide it’s just “easier” to do what they want. They’ll often “neg” you – calling you “selfish” or “ungrateful” is pretty common – in order to try to blame you for how they are behaving and trick you into proving you are not that thing (by doing what they want). A succinct explanation of what happens when you first start setting boundaries in an existing relationship. It's kinda fun watching the flailing when it happens, them throwing EVERYTHING at you at once, hoping something, anything, will let them go back to the good old days before ther...

 That's it. That's the post.

 

This answer by Captain Awkward , really spoke to me about getting out of obligations you were tricked into.