Boundary Training

Setting boundaries is an important life skill, so of course, they never taught me that in school.

I find it's easier to build your boundary-setting muscle by reading other people's horror stories; it's easier to spot the problem when you aren't in the middle of it.

Good places for me to read other people's problems and learn some handy boundary setting phrases are:

Captain Awkward for my personal life

Ask A Manager for my work life

Popular posts from this blog

Audiobook: "Loonshots" by Safi Bahcall

Image
A book about corporate cultures and how they can inhibit innovation or encourage it. It was a long book filled with many stories, was enjoyable, but I only got two real ideas from it: Strategy Innovation vs Product Innovation - both are important Balancing your organisation at a critical point between two states - ensuring that the "franchise" part of the business balances with the "loonshot" part of the business, with neither part of the business stifling the other part. Enjoyable listen, 4/5 for the excellent anecdotes.
Read more

Don't take the bait - don't feed them JADE!

Image
Narcissists need attention of any kind, and learn that a surefire way to get attention is to create drama and conflict - arguments about pointless stuff. For example, a 33-word message about a bike day at school will go like this. There is a bike day at school next Thursday. [Son] doesn't want to take the girls bike you make him ride at your house. He can collect his bike from my house instead. That was a classic three part "bait sandwich" - did you see it? Opener: "There is a bike day at school next Thursday." Bait: "[Son] doesn't want to take the girls bike you make him ride at your house." Closer/Glory-seeking: "He can collect his bike from my house instead." The opener sets the stage, lulling you into a false sense of security. But the second sentence is the bait.  Instantly, after 15 years of abuse, you recoil to the defensive, with factual statements like: "I don't make him ride it!" "It's an old bike he has a...
Read more

Life Tricycle

 My life is like a tricycle - and the three wheels are sleep, diet and exercise. If I eat the wrong foods, I'll get a carb-coma, sleep badly, and I won't have energy for exercise. If I don't exercise, I sleep badly and the next day, my energy level drops and I crave sugary/caffeinated foods If I don't get enough sleep, I feel too tired to exercise and I crave sugary/caffeinated foods If just one wheel of the tricycle is missing, the whole thing just drags over and crashes in the dirt. And if my tricycle isn't working, I won't stand a chance of juggling my kids, my work or a social life. For me, Self Care involves: Avoiding "white carbohydrates"; these foods make me feel bloated, woolly-brained or tired Avoiding sugary foods; these foods give me a short sugar rush followed by a bigger sugar crash Eating lots of fruit and vegetables, with sensible amounts of meat and dairy Going to bed at 10pm, and getting up at 6:30am, so I get at least 8 hours of sleep...
Read more