Half Dad, Half Misfit

I can get behind this sentiment: "You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger  You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm"

Circle of Security has some great tools including explanations of how to "be with" kids having difficult feelings.  I've had amazing results from using these techniques when my kids are having big emotions. The concept of "Shark Music" in the second video is a powerful way to understand why sometimes as a parent I react in automatic ways that are harmful. Noticing the shark music helps me to stop and try the "Being With" technique. In the video they asssume that the "shark music" is a response to how your parents parented you, but it could be from other bad relationships you've had. I think "noticing the shark music" is yet another thing that is easier to do if you practice mindfulness.

A song about living your best life

This list from Mark Bennett is useful.

It's funny how all the worst people you meet have a common set of behaviours for manipulating people, considering there isn't a special school they go to learn these psychopath skills. Having said that, it's funny how many of them choose to go and do an MBA later in life, though.

This answer by Captain Awkward , really spoke to me about getting out of obligations you were tricked into.

The fine line between Self Deprecating Humour and Self-Loathing is less a 'fine line' and more of a Venn diagram. I need to be careful of that.

Because I'm a naturally shit parent, I was in a parenting skills class, and in the last session, the psychologist/facilitator suggested that I start a parenting blog because I'd made useful contributions to the group. I don't know if they were politely setting me up to talk to anyone-but-them, sarcastic or genuine, but I decided that I wanted to do it. Since The Divorce, I've struggled with figuring out what the fuck happened to me, how to be a better person and where to find useful resources that aren't the collective obliviousness of Men Going Their Own Way, Not All Men, Men's Rights Activists, Incels and Pick Up Artists. As soon as I look for self-help resources, I seem to fall into an algorithmic YouTube funnel that puts that nascent fascism shit front-and-centre (along with ads for multi-level internet marketing scams).  The world is full of bitter men complaining about their crazy ex and child support payments. I'm still hurting and bitter, but that...

Setting boundaries is an important life skill, so of course, they never taught me that in school. I find it's easier to build your boundary-setting muscle by reading other people's horror stories; it's easier to spot the problem when you aren't in the middle of it. Good places for me to read other people's problems and learn some handy boundary setting phrases are: Captain Awkward  for my personal life Ask A Manager  for my work life

I read this and it kind of joined up a bunch of dots in my own thinking, even if it was via the frame of  old and wrong Freudian psychology. https://alexdanco.com/2020/07/17/the-freud-moment/ I'd been trying to understand why fascism is on the rise, and why people I like and once respected are so easily drawn to it. I don't mean they are marching around with swastika armbands, yet, but they are posting and sharing hateful shit on Facebook, shamelessly. The explanation given in Alex Danco's blog makes me think the appeal of fascism is that it gives people an opportunity to stop trying to hard to be a nice person; instead of feeling shame or guilt or discomfort, it gives them permission to pretend that they don't feel those difficult emotions and don't have to care about the feelings of others. They can wallow in "they shouldn't be so easily offended", "they need to learn to take a joke" when they are making "jokes" that suggest other...